4/18/2021- (Mental Health Diary)

I feel like I haven't touched my blog In a while. I guess when you feel lost, you let things sit for a bit before you decide what's best. For me, it feels like I am trying to do too many things at once. I try to focus on one thing, but I get bored too quickly (ADD). I have to work on things and then put it away and work on something else until I get a random urge to pick it back up, for example like this blog. I tend to wonder what does a quote on quote normal brain feels like because mine seems strange. I still have not figured it out.

Mental health- it's one of my most brutal battles. I feel like I have so much potential, and my mental health gets in the way of it. It feels like I can push myself harder, but my brain is so fragile I have to sit with it and treat it more like a newborn baby than an adult. I have to watch it, be on alert constantly, and always observing its every move. The whole process is exhausting, and it can feel time-consuming. But it's who I am, and I was reading something where it talked about Allah giving us paradise for our illnesses, and it's a test for us. So I pray I get to enter into any gate I please because of it.

I know I am going on a rant, but I get consumed by mental health daily, but I do not express it as much because I work on it personally. I will speak more as I become more confident in my voice, and I will use my (CPS) Certified Peer Specialist skills to teach others how to live every day through it. People without a lived experience may never truly understand the trauma and pressure it comes with, but I pray they can have empathy. I never knew anything about mental health until the age of 25, and so far, it has been one of the most challenging battles I am fighting.

So here's to life. The parts we do not enjoy, but we find pieces of joy anyway. Do not lose hope; your struggles have a purpose. You are amongst millions of people struggling with the same thing, and you must become that voice. The voice of hope and empathy. A representative of strength and courage. A voice of validation and motivation. Please do not give up when things get tough; I know it's easier said than done. But giving up comes with harmful consequences that outweigh the option to keep going. I want to see you happy, and I want to be the one to plant positive thoughts into your mind. Trust me, I know when depression or anxiety or even mania hit, the best thing to have is someone right there guiding your thoughts back to normal. So I will be that for you.

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